what i know.

I’ve considered starting a blog for a quite some time now. I am sure the thoughts I have have also run through many of your heads, and that you are able to relate in one way or another. My goal is only to lift up those around me with my writings, and hopefully bring them closer to whatever type of faith they have. My wish is to be able to give others the type of hope I’ve needed through periods of my life thus far.

I will be the first to say, I don’t know much. I frequently like to think I do, but the truth is that I do not. I have no idea what I want to do with my future. I have no clue what exactly I want to spend the rest of my life doing, or where I see myself in 5, 10, or 20 years. I don’t even know what I had for breakfast most days. But I do know some things, and I feel that I can share these things and that they’ll be appreciated and understood by people with similar experiences as me.

I know that there is a purpose behind everything. Behind every action, every word you hear or say, every experience and situation you find yourself in, there is a purpose.

Frequently I consider ways my life could have been different thus far. I could have made many different decisions that would put me at a totally different place than the place I am at now. In turn, there are many different ways that the world around me could’ve changed me from where I am now.

You see, the things I’ve experienced up to now have challenged my faith a lot. I’m sure anyone reading this has had at least a moment of this as well. There’s been mornings my alarm hasn’t gone off and I’ve been late to first period and I think to myself:

“Really God, couldn’t you have helped me out?”

Obviously this is a silly example, but this is comparable to other events in our lives where we have questioned God and his presence in situations. In the past 3 years since I began high school I’ve often found myself in these situations where I just ask:

“Why God?” 

A few years ago I lost a person in my life that I had not been close to for some time. Nonetheless, this loss shook me to the core though it had been quite some time since I had  spoken to this person. The months following this loss were very difficult for me as well as others I’m sure, and I increasingly found myself questioning my faith. As the months passed and it just seemed as though life’s sole intention was to keep kicking me while I was down, I questioned my faith a lot.

Does everything really happen for a reason? What could the reason possibly be for this? God has to see how I’m struggling, why does he not intervene? 

Since then, hindsight has become a good friend of mine. I met people through this period of time that helped me through my struggles and helped me to gain understanding of the situations I found myself in. I learned how to find peace within myself, and learned much about my true self and what I am capable of. I am thankful for the people I have met that if not for the awful circumstances I found myself in, I never would have had the privilege to know. I have found a home for myself in many people and places in the 3 years since I was a freshman in high school with no idea what was ahead of me. I have learned so much that I am not able to put into words how grateful I am for the experiences that brought me to where I am.

If you would have asked me at the end of my sophomore year of high school where I saw myself today, I have no doubts I would’ve either laughed or cried (probably both honestly) and I wouldn’t have been able to give an answer. Many types of loss have shaped how I have dealt with the last few years of life, and until only recently was I able to finally see the amount I have also gained during this time period.

I’m writing this so that in case you are sitting in your car crying because you just really aren’t sure how you’re going to make it through the next week, I promise you it’s possible, and that there is a purpose. You have a purpose. As I said earlier I do not know much, but this is something I know.

I saw a quote the other day that resonates nicely with this post and I felt the need to share it. It reads:

Those who leave everything in Gods hands will eventually see God’s hands in everything. 

Give yourself time to see how this quote really does apply to life. I promise, sooner or later, you will be able to see it. Until next time 🙂

2 thoughts on “what i know.

  1. Hannah, thank you for sharing part of your story. All too often we each have a story but are afraid to share it for sake of embarrassment or being judged. Continue to hold tight to your faith! I know my faith got me to where I am today, surrounded by those that love me and support me! Blessings

    Liked by 1 person

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